Zombie Life

Zombie-life and you: An Introduction

Unfortunately, the zombie apocalypse already happened. And so sorry to tell you, but yes, that means you’re a zombie. No, you didn’t escape it. But hey, at least you’re on the winning side!

So what can you expect as a zombie? Well you’re obviously overrun by irrational thought. You’re basically a monster lashing out at the world around you. Everything seems unpleasant and it’s as though your fellow zombies are all jerks and you feel like your body is decaying rapidly.

You will basically continue on this mindless rampage until your eventual collapse and your body is buried under dirt or fricasseed by fire. Well, that is unless you evoke the antidote. But nah, why would you do that? You’re a zombie and zombies don’t make rational decisions remember?

Well, except if a little bit of humanity still lives within you? Okay, if you’re not a complete zombie, I’ll explain the situation. Being an actual zombie is somewhat different than you’d expect. Yes, you have a bad attitude toward everything in your path. Yes, you tend to confront others. And yes, you do feed on human flesh, but not in the sense that you think.

Your zombie-ness comes from an unconscious adherence to a mental toxicity that’s taken over your brain. Your mind is outputting some nasty hallucinations and you’re blindly believing them while acting accordingly. Step one, is to realize that any thoughts you’re having are not to be trusted — they’re likely delusions.

No one said applying the antidote was going to be easy — you’re going to have to fight against this deluge of delusion for quite some time. You need to force yourself into believing that the outside world is NOT in a post-apocalyptic state, it’s fine. You need to force yourself into believing that everyone around you is NOT out to get you. You need to force yourself into believing that your body is NOT falling apart.

As a zombie, you have an obsession with flesh, it’s true. You over-identify with it, that’s part of your problem. EVERYTHING you do tends to center around this flesh fixation: your appearance, other people’s appearance, aging, illness, how things affect your flesh — it’s nuts. You have a flesh-based focus.

So step two, is weaning yourself off the flesh. So things like sickness and death, how your body is holding-up, injuries, what’s going on with your face, your skin, teeth, whatever — you’re done with this kind of stuff now — g’bye! You can engage in any hygienic-routine that you enjoy, but nothing that originates from a place of fear (or else that’s the toxicity talking).

Zombies live in a harsh and brutal world, so if you no longer want to be a zombie, then you must train yourself to see past the zombie-induced delusions. Trust the world you’re in and trust the people around you. Even if you think they’re zombies, and they may very well be, treating them like human-beings will help to cure your condition as well as theirs — it’s win-win.

I’ve probably said too much already for your zombified-brain to handle, so I’ll stop here. Just realize that if you have any humanity left, and you no longer want to be a zombie, then stop listening to your thoughts, they’re noxious lies that are influencing your perception. Then, stop focusing on the fragility of flesh, it feeds a poisonous perspective. If you can keep this up, more and more of your humanity will keep returning to you. Good luck!

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Interpretive Dance

Is the act of eating strawberries a violent and exploitative endeavor in which one organism crushes and consumes the life-energy of another? In other words, the way in which we interpret life matters. And if people genuinely disagree on whether certain things are right or wrong, then the solidity of our reality is far from set.

And if our interpretation of reality is indeed malleable, why would we ever shape it in a way that causes distress? In other words, if I find strawberries delicious, why would I ever interpret the act of eating them as sadistic? By plucking it from the bush and consuming it, I’m clearly ending the fruitful-existence of the strawberry — but why would I want to see that as cruel?

Instead, I choose to see it as a celebration of life. The strawberry and my body are part of a choreographed dance in which we coordinate to make the cycle-of-life happen. It’s a beautiful thing. There’s nothing grotesque or brutish about it. And deep down I see the entire scene as flickering pixels anyway, there was nothing truly lost and nothing truly gained (except for the entertainment value of the experience).

Yet, there’s things I do interpret negatively, resulting in an associated experience of distress. For instance, I hate cheesecake — f*ck that stuff, I’m sorry but it’s gross. Look, now I’m all upset, and it’s stupid-cheesecake’s fault! I told you that crap was no good. But the question is, why would I do that to myself? Why bother to interpret something as bad when it changes NOTHING but my mood (from good to bad)?

Stupid right? And the solution is obvious. If I want to remain in a good mood, I should simply accept life as it is and assign a pleasant interpretation to EVERYTHING i.e. The Pollyanna Approach to Life. If that’s the obvious solution, and I’m NOT implementing it, what does that tell you? It implies that I enjoy the feeling of outrage. Oops.

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, the evidence is quite clear on this matter, the defendant is a sicko that gets-off on the anger and disgust and condemnation he feels towards life’s innocent artifacts. He conjures up the most malevolent fantasies imaginable just to feel indignation surge through his body — this is the very definition of a deranged individual.

Does negativity then qualify as an addiction? Something done for the rush yet results in distress and can’t easily be stopped? Perhaps it’s time to quit the stuff? It’s time to put down the pessimism, lay off the fear, and back away from the constant criticism. Wait, just one more scare! Come on! How about a little disparagement at least? No, no, I can’t!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask for lenience. An addiction by definition is something not easily controlled. For whatever reason I became addicted to negativity — and I’ve carried that burden throughout life. I’ve paid the price for harboring such pessimism, locked in a prison of my own making. I was blind, but now I see. I can henceforth dedicate my life to a new and better perspective. And with that improved outlook I can help others who have a similar predilection for the gloom and doom.

Micro Bunnies

Within us all lives a roving herd of tiny, nearly imperceptible, rabbits — micro bunnies. It’s just one of those strange facts-of-nature I guess. We’re all born with them. They’re white and fluffy and they love to eat garbage. Yes that’s right, garbage. They love eating the stuff that doesn’t belong in our bodies. They’re tidiers to their core.

Typically they’ll sniff something odd and just start nibbling. And when one starts nibblin’, they all gather ’round — feastin’ away. You can oftentimes tell they’re there by the heat produced when they’re all cozied up nibblin’ together. They’re quick too, trash doesn’t last long.

If you think about it, everything gets a little dirty over time or develops some wear and tear — and the same is true for our bodies. So thank goodness we have micro bunnies to keep things clean on the inside. Why I heard once, that the tiny little poops of the micro bunny are actually restorative — wherever their little micro-loaf lands, it fills in any gaps that need fillin’.

And sometimes, when I’m feelin’ somethin’ strange, why I just imagine those little micro bunnies goin’ ta work. I picture ’em nibblin’ away at whatever doesn’t seem right. Go bunnies! Go! And I see ’em squattin’ over any gaps they find, droppin’ in their cute little micro bunny bricks.

Objective Perspective

I should try analyzing the world from a more objective perspective. It’s certainly better than my current strategy of interpreting my surroundings based on my fear-laced childhood beliefs. I keep seeing myself as a scared little bunny struggling for survival amidst a chance-based physical reality upon a giant rock hurtling around an even bigger fireball within a vast and endless nothingness.

So here’s a more objective analysis:

1. I’ve been alive for several decades. This fact is significant because of my utter incompetence and inability to do anything, as well as my complete ignorance of physical-survival and social-norms. How am I still here and doing relatively well? Obviously something external is maintaining my existence — because it sure as hell ain’t me doin it.

2. People successfully engage in seemingly dangerous activities all the time. This must mean that I’m incorrectly interpreting these activities as dangerous. Life is much safer than I assumed.

3. There are people that actually live-out their lives along complete story arcs. This demonstrates that lives are of a fictional nature. If there are obvious narratives, then random-chance isn’t a thing. This also implies that death is not a random occurrence.

4. Inspirations and ideas enter everyone’s minds. Where do these seemingly novel thoughts originate? This implies that physical reality isn’t all there is. There’s something influencing and guiding our thoughts — which means we’re connected to something greater than our individual human self.

5. People successfully achieve goals. This implies that wishes actually come true. People have desires that eventually manifest within their physical reality. Even the most fantastical ideas have come true: flying-ships, rocket-ships, space-travel, video-phones, touch-based computer-tablets, voice-based computing, etc. This further implies that it’s improper to apply limitations on what can be achieved within this world.

6. I’ve been proven wrong many times — my theories about life are therefore unreliable. Because of my sheer ignorance when it comes to the concept of existence, I’ve no basis by which to be worried about anything — I simply don’t understand enough. How could I even know whether one outcome is better than another. By this logic, I should really approach life from an open-minded perspective and simply accept it is-as.

Of course it makes me feel like a big dummy to analyze the world from a more objective perspective and see that it’s so far off from my belief system. It’s even weirder when such analysis doesn’t automatically lead to a corrected set of beliefs. If I’m obviously wrong, why don’t I simply accept it and move-on instead of continuing along with my lame beliefs?

It’s possible that the world is purposefully being deceptive and really wants me to believe in a chance-based physical reality. In a video-game or movie for instance, we’re supposed to get lost within the storylines and see ourselves as characters within the world we’re watching. But the counter-argument to that, is there’s tons of people that don’t believe in a chance-based physical reality. There’s a lot of spiritual folks that can’t relate to my perspective.

One possible explanation is that the world really is being deceptive in the sense that it’s trying to portray an actual world in which we’re embodied inhabitants. In order to feel the full sensation of immersion, we’re tricked into believing that we’re born here as physical creatures of-the-Earth. And that’s fine, why not — it’s just movies/video-games taken to the next level — cool.

But where it goes wrong for some of us, is we take it waaaaay too seriously. “OH SH*T!!!! I could die at any second!!! AHHH!!!” And we develop warped beliefs about what’s happening here (beliefs that are unsubstantiated by the way — we get an off-idea and just run with it). Whereas some folks “get it” — to them it’s simply a game, which it is.

And the punchline to our misfortunate misunderstanding is this: we finally collapse from the intensity of the stress we’ve been inflicting on ourselves throughout the decades, and from that standpoint we finally kinda “get it”. We then become “spiritual” and take THAT too seriously as well. Gah. That’s why enlightenment is like walking a razor’s edge. You fall off the path if you go too far in either direction.

Greatest Commandment v2

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

The heart is of-the-body, a thing firmly rooted in this world. Therefore, to love God with our heart, we should delight in the sensations of his creation: the world and all its wonders, ever appreciating the gift we’ve been given. The people, the scenery, the music, the movement, the foods — it’s all a work-of-art to be admired and consumed by the senes.

The soul is beyond the body, a part not confined by the world. Therefore, to love God with our soul, we should meditate or pray or do whatever it is that connects us to what’s beyond the senses. We demonstrate love with our focus and attention, so we must take time to focus on God, giving Him our attention through meditative means.

The mind writes narratives, paints pictures, and devises logical conclusions — concoctions that form our feelings. Therefore, to love God with our mind we should use it to set our perspective to one that perceives God and His creations in the best possible way. We should foster the feeling of lighthearted hopefulness and trust, deliberately imagining life as a pleasant experience no matter what the senses seem to say.

To love God with ALL our heart, ALL our soul, and ALL our mind, we should see God as our provider and caretaker, the guiding source of power maintaining and illuminating our path. We are not skilled in the practice of existence, not even close, thus we are led by a loving shepherd. God is the foundation of all we encounter. All that we are and all that we experience is merely a manifestation of God the creator.

Managing Equilibrium

There are a lot of video-games in which you must manage an equilibrium. For instance, there might be an economy you manage, balancing expansion with maintenance, keeping the people happy as a growing population results in an uncomfortable density and buildings deteriorate — even external disasters pop-up now and again, adding extra challenge to the process of maintaining balance.

We can see that trend in life too, where oftentimes we’re managing an equilibrium — keeping our character satisfied. Food low? Fill ‘er up! Oops, not too much! Feeling lonely? Spend time with others. Yikes, not too much time, not to the point of feeling smothered! Bored? Oh-no, don’t overcommit to a long-term activity!

It’s all very game-like, yes? And if you notice, different people focus on different categories. For instance, some focus on food equilibrium, and some on fitness, and some on social-interaction equilibrium, and some focus on a whole bunch at once. Oftentimes people go through different phases of focus. Yet, everyone doesn’t focus on every category at all times – correct?

This would imply that the categories on which we don’t focus, manage themselves. But life does allow us to manually control whichever category receives our focus. Wanna go on a diet and micro-manage your eating? Go right ahead! Wanna pinpoint and diagnose every little ache and pain in your body? Now you’re managing your health! Good luck with that.

But that means the reverse is also true. If you’re able to remove all focus from a category, then it’ll remain on autopilot. But good luck with THAT! It’s hard to get out of the habit of staring at a category that you’ve been so long invested in. Plus, you’ll likely have to fill that void with a new category to manage.

Or, perhaps you can quit attempting to micro-manage altogether? A lot of that tendency to over-manage comes from fear and a lack of trust. “This needs my expertise applied or else everything will fall apart!” Except you really have no expertise with existence, do you. Without some guiding force keeping things copacetic, you wouldn’t make it through the day.

I bet if you wanted to, you could just “let go” and trust that force completely. Then every category would just seem to work out. The status bars of all the things you tried to control would go from red to green. Your job was never to get in your own way, it was simply to experience the spectacle — a sit-back, relax, and enjoy the show show type of thing.

But yeah you can screw with the controls if you want, that’s within your power. Chaos can be fun. After all, we play those equilibrium games because they’re a good-time. But if at some point you get tired of micro-managing a certain aspect of life, it seems as though you’re perfectly welcome to just stop focusing on it and let autopilot kick on.

Lessons from Mom

These are some lessons I learned from my seventy-plus-year-old mother. That means these lessons are time-tested throughout an entire lifetime’s worth of livin’.

1. When in doubt, turn to drugs. Her drugs of choice have always been nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, and ibuprofen. Mind you, she consumes most of those in moderation, at least most of the time. If you notice, these are all performance-enhancing drugs, at least for her. The nicotine calms her nerves, the caffeine gets her goin’, the alcohol takes the edge off, and the ibuprofen puts her back in the game. So if not abused, and utilized effectively, do drugs.

2. Shop till you drop. Money can’t buy happiness? Bullsh*t, according to my mom. Money buys clothes, knickknacks, furniture, food, presents-for-people, cars, even houses — basically, it buys a good-time. But there’s a caveat here: buying on credit leads to a bad time. Credit is something my mother used and abused and it’s something that always caused her problems. For her the money was typically there, but not quite enough, so she turned to credit — which invited stress.

3. Spend unabashedly. My mother would spend all the money she could get her hands on and then feel guilty about it. Basically it was the family’s money, the money her husband generated from his business. So the lesson here is: spend the money while believing yourself justified in doing so — don’t waver like she did. She couldn’t stop herself from spending, so why tack on the guilt? She eventually found a life-hack, in that she felt less guilty if she worked a part-time job.

4. Kids come first — right after mom. My mother was both selfless and selfish at the same time. In other words, she always put the happiness of her children first, right after her own happiness. We went on family vacations to Disney World because of HER dream to go to Disneyland when she was a kid. We had great Christmases because SHE lacked great Christmases growing up. Despite their constant fighting, she stayed with our dad because SHE grew up without one. So the lesson here is: if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. If you must believe yourself a martyr, at least make sure that cross is comfortable.

My overly conservative way of living and lack-minded thinking have gotten me nowhere in life. Whereas my mom lives an abundant life — she has her dream home, has plenty of spending money, worked her dream job (part-time at Disney) — she’d even admit that she lived a great life. So why fight the obvious? Existence on Earth isn’t sneaking-by as a fuddy-duddy — it’s unrepentant carefree frolicking through the funhouse. In other words, don’t bother trying to save it up till the end, the good stuff is now — Enjoy!