I’m a short guy with messed-up teeth and poor-posture dressed in clothes that don’t fit right. I wear hats in the sun. I often relate to the people being made fun of in “iAmVerySmart”, “im14andThisIsDeep”, and “justNeckBeardThings”. I used to own a ninja sword and nunchucks. I can count the number of friends I have on one finger. I’ve lived in a trailer park for the past six years with no job, just doing my own thing. Oh and let’s not forget that I’ve written a blog, this blog in fact, for six years and each post receives anywhere from zero to six likes on average. A couple posts received twelve likes in a single day — so I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
WHAT??? But Rich!!! You’re… You’re… wait… you’re a loser..? Well in my last post, I noticed that I tend to seek out loserdom. Apparently I don’t want to win, and when I do, I get bored and look for something new to lose at. I guess losing is very captivating to me. But Rich, you’re my idol!! You can’t be… a… a… loser!!??
Well, you’re right. By almost every metric, I’m a loser — but the thing is, I don’t see myself as a loser. In my mind, I’m the smartest guy on the planet, I’m tough, super-strong, and ruggedly handsome. Of course I realize that my unwarranted overconfidence only makes me more of a loser — but that irony just doesn’t register with me. And lest you forget, this is Trump’s America now, the place where unwarranted overconfidence wins.
So don’t feel bad for me, losing just happens to be my particular brand of fuel, the magnet that draws me through life. We all have a magnet of some sort. Some people have daddy-issues or other emotional voids to fill. Some have a need to succeed in order to prove their worth to a parent they could never please. Some have an obsession with personal appearance, allowing it to rule their life. We all have weaknesses that draw us along — that’s how narratives work.
For me, it’s losing. It’s a perpetual-motion machine. Put me in a losing situation and I simply won’t accept it. “I’m a winner, f*ck you!” It’s a persistence that shows up unasked for, it’s simply the mechanism that makes my character move. Even if it takes everyone else quitting, and me being the only person left in the race, that’s fine — I win. In many situations I win through sheer inertia — I just won’t leave until I win. And when I finally do, it’s time for something new.
The actual games we play in life don’t matter. All life cares about is whether we’re captivated. I can’t stop thinking I’m a winner — consequently life places me in situations where I’m not a winner — but that doesn’t sit right in my mind, it excites me, causing me to react every time. I’m fine with that, it’s the role I’m playing this round. And who knows, maybe one day I’ll learn to enjoy success and enter into some sort of mastery stage. I honestly feel like I’m headed in that direction — stay tuned.
“But the thing is, I don’t see myself as a loser. It’s simply the fuel, the magnet that draws me through life.” — me