Suffering Suffering

I no longer suffer suffering. Since I quit believing in an objective physical reality, things got a lot better. The world is a reflection of my focus. If I believe in suffering, it’ll exist – I’ll see and experience it. But the inverse is also true: if I no longer believe in suffering, it won’t exist – I don’t see or experience it. This is a direct observation of my experimentation with perspective, it’s not theoretical at this point. And this obviously implies that the world is a highly subjective experience – more like a dream than anything.

If I know that existence is dreamlike and I know my focus influences it – what am I supposed to do now? I think the toughest aspect about this condition is remaining aware of the situation and simply remembering stuff. Like a “Harrison Bergeron” handicap, awareness and memory seem limited. Awareness of a grander existence is tested every moment by little life-events that tempt you into following narrow human narratives. Whereas memory is very unreliable – even life-changing concepts are forgotten within a week.

Originally, my biggest problem with such a drastic change of perspective was the implication that I was not simply a physical creature doomed to die. I figure I must be the product of a bodiless consciousness dreaming about a physical world. I started imagining sad reasons behind it all – but that obviously made me feel forlorn and angsty. But then I noticed how directly my feelings were influenced by these thoughts. I’d be perfectly fine one minute, then a sad existential thought would freak me out. Focus mattered, a lot – in fact, that’s all there is to it.

I said, “ha, my dumb wandering mind is just up to its old tricks trying to scare me again!” Before, it was sinister physical-world stuff – now it was exploiting my new metaphysical perspective. I thought I could escape the scary physical-world stuff by adopting a metaphysical perspective but my fear simply followed. But in doing so, it revealed itself too easily. I could see that “fear” is the practice of focusing on frightening concepts. So if I don’t focus on that stuff: fear will disappear.

Now, I purposefully focus on concepts such as love, lightheartedness, creativity, and triumph – and it’s made a significant difference. Maybe that marks the end of the midlife-crises phase and I’ve entered the wisened older gentleman arc of the story? Well, we’ll see.