I think I’d like to do something more significant. Like I said previously, I cut out all the pressure and urgency from my life. That stress was fear-based, so I’m glad to be rid of it. But now what? You can’t be satisfied as a human by just “being” – you have to engage and participate with the world. But how?
I suppose that’s my next challenge – find something significant to do. Hm. There’s a lot of stuff I cut-out and don’t believe-in anymore. Well, I do like tools and woodworking – but the frivolous projects here and there don’t fully satisfy. I like watching videos and shows and movies and such – but oftentimes I run out of stuff to watch. I like hanging out with my wife and son – but nobody wants someone’s full-focus and constant attention. What to do… what to do….
And no, the combination of doing all the simple things I enjoy hasn’t worked – there’s too many lulls and gaps. I suppose I need something more complex. Or should I just try to appreciate the quietude? But I’m still too self-focused, so I think I need something beyond “me” to concentrate on. But what?
I like significant advances in engineering, such as in robotics. I like aspects of alternative building construction. Hm, maybe I’d like to venture out into the untamed wilderness and create a colony of self-sustaining robots. Imagine a wagon-train of electric vehicles rolling out and transforming into giant robots, chopping down trees and building cabins and plowing fields. Hm, now that’s cool.
Kinda sounds like I’m hoping to stumble into a crashed alien ship from Cybertron filled with Autobots. Sometimes I think my mind purposefully comes up with idealistic/fanciful ideas in order to make everyday-life seem lame. On that note, I’m sick of wrestling with my mind everyday – and I think doing something significant might keep it from wandering as much as it does.
The search for significance continues…