Close-up Annoyances

So here’s what happened. After a few decades, I finally solved a bunch of mental hangups. Everything should’ve been peachy from there on out – right? Yet, “bad days” still happened. And unfortunately, I no longer have easy scapegoats – having spent the previous years eliminating them as suspects. I thought I was doing everything right!? “Bad things aren’t supposed to happen to good people!!”

Okay, but let’s examine this a bit more. If you asked me to list all the actual circumstances that transpired to make a “bad day” into a “bad day” – you’d be underwhelmed and non-commiserate. They’re mostly tiny annoyances and pessimistic thoughts. The day just feels “bad” and multiple things go wrong, evoking feelings of defeat and a deep pessimism.

Most of my problems are so minuscule, they’d be imperceptible if I wasn’t so zoomed-in on myself. I’m too close-up, always scrutinizing every little detail going on with my character. “Aw! Does sweetums have a stuffy nose? Aw, does him have-um twouble sweeping? Aw, is a single hair out of place? Awww.” If I had something else to focus on, I wouldn’t even notice that little stuff. But here I am, always looking in.

Think about it this way. Imagine you just came into possession of car. Now what? You could walk around it, wash it, sit inside, run the radio, turn on the A/C, recline the seat. Wow, you’re really exploring every aspect of that vehicle! Opening the glove-box, adjusting the air-flow outlets – wow look at you go! But is that what a car’s for? For sitting-in and playing with the environmental controls? No, it’s meant to be driven, it’s a means to an end, it’s a tool used to get somewhere.

You don’t just stand around polishing tools until they shine and leave it at that. You use tools. You get ’em dirty, run ’em in the mud, put ’em through their paces, ya get somethin’ done – right? Tools are sad and meaningless unless you put them to use. It’s not a tool anymore, it’s just a trinket sitting on a shelf, decaying the days away. To respect a tool is to use it, to wear it out through everyday wear and tear.

But you, you’ve put yourself up on a pedestal – annoyed by every speck of dust that lands on you. Every patch of tarnish ups your ire. A spot of rust is enough to send you over the edge. By imagining yourself so precious, you’ve taken yourself out of commission. You’ve done yourself the greatest disservice by being overly protective. “Put that wrench down!! If you use it on a bolt, it might get scratched!” That’s crazy talk, but that’s exactly what you’ve done.

I hereby abolish “bad days” and rename them “the consequence of navel-gazing”. It’s like all those times you get eye-strain headaches from staring at things you’re working on without taking a break to rest your eyes.

Okay, it’s a few days later. As an experiment, I’ll accept that verdict. But this means I have to “zoom out”. I’ve tried many times focusing on hobbies and such – but that never panned-out. So, for the time being, I’m going to zoom-out so far from myself, that I’m even leaving physical existence behind. I am now known as “The essence previously-known as the physical-form of Rich”. I am not a human, I am a whimsical dream.

Well, we’ll see if that gets us anywhere.