Ten Year

Dear diary, we’re approaching the 10-year mark. I started writing here around April 2012 and it’s almost April 2022. So what have I learned in a decade? What’s changed after one-tenth of a century? NOTHING!! Well maybe I’m exaggerating, let’s review.

Alright, yes, I’m living in a different location than I was 10 years ago. But I’m actually living in the same town I lived in 12 years ago. I still have trouble sleeping, especially staying asleep. I still lack any long-term goals, I’m just trying to manage my way through each day. I’m still struggling to attain satisfaction with life. And I still don’t understand the fundamental nature of existence.

As far as changes, okay here’s some:
My woodworking knowledge and craftsmanship has improved. I’m somewhat pleased with my tool collection. I’m a calmer person. My headaches are less-severe. I completely, and without reservation, accept reality as a fictional construct.

But that last point leads to my latest problem: if it’s fake, why isn’t it the best it could be? For instance: on one day, a particular object or circumstance brings me joy – but on another day, the same exact thing becomes a source of dissatisfaction. I suppose it could be an implementation of “intermittent reward” (which suggests that the world is designed to maximize engagement).

But these obvious “bad days” make me feel somewhat targeted and abused by the system. I think: “Why must you keep going out of your way to introduce strain into my experience?!” Of course the answer might be: to maximize engagement.

And unfortunately for me, I enjoy the concept of “stress-testing” things. I like when things are taken to their breaking point, investigated for points-of-failure, then improved upon and designed to account for previous weaknesses.

In other words, if I was the programmer of my own existence, I would likely stress-test my character in hopes of improving his performance. But if that’s true, I propose more-ethical standards be adhered to. And as far as my character goes, I think he should live out the rest of his life in complete enjoyment, in retirement – he’s had enough of the rough stuff.

Okay, so that’s where I’m at dear diary.

P.S. As far as technology-changes in a decade, I believe I wrote the first entries in a text-editor on a MacBook Air laptop-computer. Today, I type on a bluetooth keyboard connected to an iPad Pro with a text-editing app. Oh, and in order to watch videos/movies/shows today, you have to subscribe to a whole bunch of streaming services – and you STILL run outta things to watch! The more things change, the more they stay the same….