Inspirational Limbo

You know how people get flashes of inspiration to do things? Such as: man I really feel like tidying my room right now! Or: wow I just came up with the best idea for a new novel. Or: I wanna study to become an engineer so I can build rockets! Once inspired, people then follow-through on those aspirations or else they suffer from feeling unfulfilled.

I think my mind is attempting to torture me with inspirational ideas that are not within my ability to fulfill. Therefore, I’m in a constant state of frustration. Oftentimes I can’t even see a path to the projected goal, it’s just out-there and fully unattainable. And if it’s a tiny goal with a perceivable path, I’m typically straining the entire time to the end, like walking a narrow pathway full of thorns. And the achievement doesn’t feel worth it compared to the still-stinging scratches.

On one hand, I can try ignoring these flashes of inspiration. But on the other hand, nothing seems to fill their place – I spend most days just passing time as if I’m in a waiting room, simply browsing magazines. I wait for the day to end only to spend another restless night in bed, tossing and turning.

Obviously there’s something “extra” going on here. Is there some greater being harassing me? Am I harassing me? Is this punishment for sins done during a previous lifetime? Am I simply a beta-tester in a poorly designed simulation? Is this world testing my fortitude? Am I an advanced AI running through its paces? Perhaps I’m actually exceeding my intended purpose. Maybe I’m a background character that’s gained sentience. Whatever it is, I don’t like it.