Confused Ignorance

I’ve been investigating the fundamental nature of reality for a few decades now. The fact that I still don’t have an adequate explanation reveals that the foundation of existence is elusive – or that I’m a moron. But if I’m really dumb, that in itself demonstrates how my intelligence is set to a point below an ability to understand the underlying principles of the world I’m in.

Therefore, the structure of existence is hidden from inhabitants. And this makes sense, it’s like a character in a video-game – he has no idea about the computing-device running the game. Even the player himself doesn’t understand the underlying electrical engineering involved to run the device’s hardware nor the programming-code that powers the game’s software.

But of course, there could be another reason for my ignorance: there’s simply no foundation. Perhaps nothing exists below the surface. In a dream for example, there’s only an imagined reality in which circumstances blip in and out and often fail to follow logical pathways. I had assumed life was logical, but the longer I’ve examined it, the less logical it seems. Things more or less “just happen”.

Yet, my inability to perceive a logical pathway could in itself reveal a lack of intelligence on my part. Are the workings of the world painfully obvious, yet I’m too dumb to understand? But I’ve seen many different and wildly varying explanations of “how the world works” – so this implies that an explanation isn’t easy or obvious. Perhaps it’s like the allegory of the blind men and the elephant.

Either the world doesn’t want me to perceive its underlying structure, or there’s nothing significant to see (i.e. there are no secrets being kept). Either I’m a character in a game, or I’m the dreamer. Either I’m an ignorant pawn kept in confusion – or I’m the author, designer of everything I see. Or is there some in-between position in which I create within constraints? And why is it that I don’t know?

Why is it that I even want to know? It’s simply because I’m unsatisfied with the game/dream. When I’m enjoying myself, who cares how anything works. I don’t mind losing myself within the story if it’s fun. But if things aren’t going well, perhaps I can fix the problem if I can discern how the world works. Whenever I find a physical-world solution, I use it – but if I can’t find one, I go deeper, to the very foundation of existence itself. (Hm, it sounds like I’m trying to hack the mainframe.)

But what if the underlying structure doesn’t matter, what if the “fix” is the same no matter the foundation. What if the solution is simply to improve one’s attitude. For instance, a dreamer’s dream is often influenced by what they focus on in waking life (i.e. watch a scary movie, have a scary dream). And a gamer’s fun is based on his level of engagement and frame of mind (i.e. if he’s too serious, he’s going to get frustrated).

So perhaps it’s a waste of time to attempt to discover the fundamental nature of reality when such an understanding might not solve the actual problem, which is “dissatisfaction”. In other words, just knowing how something works doesn’t make you a skilled user. In that sense, the fundamental nature of reality could be a red-herring that wouldn’t lead to the intended goal of “satisfaction”.

I suppose it comes down to the ole gamer’s taunt: “Get good, noob”. In other words, I’m complaining that a difficult game is difficult instead of putting in the time and effort to get better. I guess that’s a fair criticism. I expect to be good at the outset, have everything go my way, all while dominating opponents with my mad-skills. But I’m sitting here cursing the dumb game-controller for not working right.

I dunno man, this game is hard.