Training Days

Many years ago I trained with weight-lifting equipment and followed a strict diet. You could say bodybuilding was a hobby of mine. I started out very skinny and proceeded to bulk-up. People noticed. But after a few years, the gains stopped. I looked like I lifted, yet I was no longer getting bigger or stronger. Training seemed kinda pointless at that point. It’s been about two decades since then.

Ever the self-improvement and training type, I moved on to mental stuff. I’ve been training my mind for many years now. I definitely see a change and I think it shows. But like before, I kinda feel like I’ve reached a sticking-point or plateau in which the gains have stalled. I get it, I can see straight through the veil of reality and grasp the fundamental illusion of existence. But so what?

I’m no longer seeing enough change to inspire further training. Like my weightlifting days, I’m a bit disillusioned and wondering whether it’s a pointless endeavor. I even wonder if I’m retrogressing. I feel as though I could finally appreciate living a good life yet the doors still seem closed. “Uh, hello!? I’m ready now!!” Granted, many things are good, but there’s some major changes I’d like to see. I dunno, maybe I’m just impatient….

I can’t help but feel as though I should be experiencing the best of what life has to offer. I didn’t previously believe it was possible. I’ve changed and experienced many resulting differences – yet there’s so much more I imagine. I know this world is a fictional construct, merely a dreamlike concoction of swirling stories, and I know anything can come to fruition – pixels are pixels after-all.

What’s this world to me? A dream. But if it’s any ol’ dream why have it?Just wake-up and go again. Yet I’m a horrible dreamer. For the first half, I believed myself trapped in a hellish nightmare surrounded by pain and danger. In the second half I realized I’m dreaming but live the most mundane experience possible. I don’t want intensity, I had that, I want grandness, magnificence, a sumptuous banquet. For what use is a body but as transportation to travel this realm in splendor and delight.