Self-Propelled

I started playing Call of Duty: Mobile when I saw it on the App Store in early October. I’m currently at level 145 out of 150 — in other words, I’m pretty good. Playing a virtual-soldier comes easily to me. In contrast to that, I’ve played some Minecraft multiplayer games that I’m not so good at — I get wasted by the likes of PrettyPrincess123 on the regular (it’s embarrassing).

I suppose it demonstrates that there’s a specific niche in life that our character fits into. Skills are specific to a particular purpose and do NOT translate to other areas. Just because I’m skilled at ONE genre of video-game doesn’t mean I’m good at ALL video-games for instance. But when I’m in the right genre, there’s an intuitive sense that takes over and leads the way.

As far as I’m aware, I have NOT found my niche in regular life. I’m several decades old and I’m still waiting to stumble into something I excel at. For example, I’m not very good at artistic design, competing, socializing, singing, or dancing. Whereas I’m kinda good with technical topics, gadgets/tools, history, philosophy, war-games. But I’m only kinda good — I’m not excelling to point of having a viable career in ANYTHING.

In the games I’m good at, I feel invested and energized by the process as I’m propelled into success without conscious intervention. As my character does well, I simply watch it happen and go along for the ride. What’s missing in regular life, is this energizing self-propulsion that powers the journey. I’ve certainly seen it with other people and I’ve personally experienced it in games — but for whatever reason it eludes me in regular life.

Without that drive and intuitive knowledge, you can’t simply pick a random career path. It’s pre-ordained based on your abilities and preferences — you can’t sustain something you’re just not into. But what would I know, I’m obviously doing something wrong. Attempting to fix things through conscious-effort would probably get me more lost than I already am. What do they tell you to do when you’re lost? Sit still and wait to be found. But does that apply here? I dunno.