Antagonistic Ambivalence

I suppose one drawback to a spiritually enlightened lifestyle is that there are no more villains. I can’t blame my parents. I can’t blame society. I can’t blame historic circumstances. I can’t blame the political structure. I can’t blame some bully from the past. I can’t blame life, the universe, or even a higher-power. The only source-of-woe I can ever blame is me.

That obviously kills all the fun/interesting narratives in which I must struggle against an oppressive power that’s trying to keep me down. From a spiritually enlightened perspective, the only thing putting limits on me, is me. BORING. But that doesn’t mean my foe is weak or takes it easy on me. Oh no, he’s a tough ol’ bastard that keeps the pressure on.

And being both giver and receiver leaves me with no room to rest — no chance to shift the blame to some bystander so I can take a breather. Did that person just insult me?! Oh, I suppose I manifested external turbulence due to my lack-of-presence — and perhaps I interpreted the scene aggressively because I was internally unbalanced. Oh well, I suppose I better try harder and work on my presence. BORING.

I mean eventually, after all this presence practice, what will I be left with? A calm demeanor and reasonable reactions?! BORING. I guess at that point I’ll have stopped resisting life and given in to enjoying life instead. Maybe that won’t be so boring. And I guess it is a bit silly to keep trying to manufacture enemies to fight against. Note to self: Not all stories require villains ya know! Sheesh!

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