Refining Career

A truism for me seems to be: the harder I work, the less money I make. I never receive a dime for the toughest stuff I do. Whereas the most money I ever receive comes from doing nothing at all or just asking.

Yet from what I’ve gathered, you’re supposed to select a career in which you dedicate a significant portion of your efforts and in return you’re paid accordingly. Well I’m several decades old now, and that just doesn’t seem to apply to me.

Either I’m special or I’ve been operating under a bad assumption. I know I’ve made a lot of poor assumptions over the years, so perhaps that’s the likely answer. Maybe well-defined careers aren’t for everyone.

Why does it even matter? Well, it’s a hit to the ol’ self-esteem to look at yourself and think: “I assume I should have a successful career. If I don’t, something must be wrong with me. Therefore, I’m useless/worthless.” Well that sucks, but it’s an obvious conclusion.

But I’m perfectly happy doing my own thing. And frankly, I don’t like money being tied to the things I do — I’m always suppressed by pressure, not spurred on by it.

And funny enough, there’s no real decision to make here. I literally have zero inspiration to find a lucrative career. I enjoy thinking and writing my thoughts down — that’s all I’m inspired to do. Even if I had a few million dollars, I’d be doing the same thing.

Another common assumption is this: when you follow your passion, eventually the money comes. Well, it’s been over six years and nothing even remotely lucrative has come from it. But I’m not destitute, the money has been coming from external sources.

Then what is there to complain about? Well, there have always been people I know that tell me I should get a job. Are they right? Are they simply trying to guide me or are their words hurdles that must be jumped?

The few jobs I had were a result of that pressure. But I eventually quit each of those jobs because they didn’t fit me, I didn’t feel right in those roles. But this, doing what I’m doing right at this moment, thinking and transcribing my thoughts… that feels right.

I suppose I worry about if-and-when that external source of money will dry up. Then what? Hm, but that’s probably just another bad assumption on my part. Why should I be carried for so many decades only to be dropped on my head halfway through?

Faith. Maybe the one thing I’m doing wrong right now is my lack of faith. For example, whether you start college or start a business, you must have faith in the eventual success of your path. So much that’s seemingly beyond your control has to align for success to follow those initial steps. The thing that keeps you going is faith in a fruitful outcome.

Therefore, I’ll have to label those challenges to my path as tests-of-faith. Am I willing to push through them!!?? Well yeah, like I said I have nothing else going on right now. Are you super pumped!!!?? Well it’s actually early in the morning and I’m kinda tired, that’s why I’ve been sitting here rambling and yawning. YEAHH!!! Let’s do this!!! Okay.

Snap out of it!! Your faith is wavering! The bottom line is this: the course is clear, in fact it couldn’t be clearer — just sit there and write down your thoughts whenever inspiration strikes. Beyond that, just enjoy your time here on Earth. Done.