Professional Believer

You know what job I wouldn’t mind, I think, is being a professional believer. Saying I’m a professional “thinker” or even “writer” still doesn’t feel right to me. If someone asked me straight out, “So Rich, what do you do for a living?” I think I’d be most comfortable and semi-excited to state: “Well Bob, I’m a professional believer!” And Bob would be taken aback a bit and wonder what I meant. I’d then go on to briefly explain that it means I believe in the benevolence of life, so I gratefully partake in the gifts I receive.

And Bob might not get it, or might just interpret it as dumb luck, but after some time he might just start to see that I’m for real. So in a sense, I’d be using my sweet lifestyle to proselytize. Bob would potentially think: “Hm, if Rich is having such a great time and he doesn’t even do anything but believe in order to receive it… well, maybe I could do that!” And Bob might seek me out in order to understand my belief system a little more.

Of course some people would be too entrenched in their own beliefs and be dismissive, but a few might be in the mood for a change of perspective. Yeah, I think I like that…. Professional Believer.

Speaking of which, I shall now regale you with The Legend of Register 4, a circumstance that serves as the origin-story to my new profession.

My friend and I were at the grocery store a couple of days ago. There were only three registers open and all had long lines. She’s standing there noticing the piles upon piles of groceries before us. We had timetables to keep and she wasn’t pleased with the wait we’d have to endure. In that moment, she planted a mental seed within the bagger of register 3. She mentally projected the thought, “You will open register 4 and summon me”.

Well, nothing happened. My friend thought about how the bagger lacked authority to actually open the register and then said to me, “I lack the courage to move over to register 4 and wait for it to open.” I replied, “Well I have the courage to stand at that empty register but I lack the faith, I know I’d just be standing there the rest of the day.” And so as to prove the power of faith, my friend put her powers into overdrive. At that moment a manager walked over to the bagger of register 3 — a dialog took place and the bagger walked over and assumed the position of cashier at register 4. Her hand raised in the air and she summoned my friend over.

While exiting the store, I was amazed at my friend’s ability to orchestrate the scene I just saw. Yet I thought it was a bit frivolous to use her powers on such a trivial circumstance (i.e. opening a register) — but I realized she loves stuff like that. For her, the fun is in the frivolity. But I also thought about how she orchestrated our move down here and got everything up and running exactly as she had planned it.

Additional note: Yesterday we were in the Home Depot looking for some planks of wood to add as slats to a twin bed. I figured I’d just buy some 4-footers and cut them down to size. Unfortunately, I’m used to shopping at Lowes so I was a bit out of my element. I fruitlessly looked for a few minutes and my friend said she wanted some lunch right after this. I said, “Well I don’t know how long this is going to take because I’m not sure where they keep the type of wood I’m looking for.”

I then looked back to where I had just been examining 6-foot planks to see if I could find some 4-foot ones in the same area. But to my surprise, what do I see? I saw 39″ boards specifically labeled as “bed slats” just sitting amongst the generic wooden boards. That’s the exact length I needed for a twin-size bed and there were no other slats but those. I picked up the quantity I needed and we paid. We then drove over to Ikea where she proceeded to have lunch.

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