Blessed are the Jerks

How to be a jerk according to Jesus:
(as based on his sermon on the mount)

Be unkind, unforgiving, and uncooperative.
Harass those seeking harmony.
Contribute to a noxious atmosphere.
Get angry at, and insult, those that offend you.
Follow your most primal urges.
Discard relationships when convenient.
Make promises you cannot fulfill.
When attacked, retaliate.
When asked for something, hold it tightly.
Hate your enemies and condemn them.

When you are charitable, let the world know.
Exclaim your religiosity before others.
Make your prayers vain and hollow.
Lack appreciation and compassion.
Display your pious hardships for others to admire.
Focus on money, possessions, and power.
Fret about getting your needs met.

Criticize the imperfections of others.
Share what you know even when inappropriate.
Feel entitled to receive the best treatment.
Follow those that deceive and incite turmoil.
Ignore what is wise.


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