At various points throughout my life I was consumed by compulsion to fulfill various wishes. By some mechanism, wants were implanted in my mind, causing an obsession, leading me to engage daily in their pursuit, thinking of little else until their fruition.
These wishes seemed to circulate dissatisfaction through my thoughts until I was compelled to seek relief — a relief necessitating action. And once action began, a truce was formed. But by what mechanism were these wishes actually fulfilled?
On a daily basis, I would pursue activities related to these particular goals — but within each activity, there was an element of chance involved. If circumstances didn’t align, then the goal wouldn’t have been attained. These pursuits involved intense effort and emotion, backed by persistence — but “luck” seemed a necessity.
And so I find myself obsessed once again, yet somewhat perplexed because I don’t know where to apply my effort — what are the related activities? I even wonder if I was given a wish I cannot reasonably fulfill. But of course I’ve been down this road before, and a solution may manifest eventually.