Where I Am

Some people enjoy feeling the full range of emotions: joy, sadness, fear, anger, envy, pride, triumph. From my experiences watching TV and movies, I can understand why people enjoy feeling the negative emotions, it’s a fun ride to go through that roller coaster of ups and downs.

But I don’t enjoy feeling the negative emotions outside of TV and movies. I’ve felt them too many times and at too high of an intensity in my own life, I’ve had my fill. So I avoid them, but not in a “bury my head and hope they go away” way. More like a “I can feel however I want” way.

I’ve dedicated a lot of my time and energy towards finding “happiness”. I’ve read some things, meditated, practiced self-awareness and self-control, studied naturally upbeat people, thought about stuff, discussed ideas, and written some things down. So now I think I have a clearer picture of what happiness is.

I’m not saying I’m “happy”, I’m still on that journey. I’m saying that I no longer accept sadness, fear, anger, worry, or any other negative feeling/thought as valid. When they appear, I am fine with ignoring them. And the more they’re ignored, the less they show up. And for cultivating joyful feelings, I do things I enjoy, like writing.

On the scale of despondent-to-delighted, I was brought into life pointed towards the gloomy end of the scale, and after realizing that I can go in the other direction, I’ve reached “neutral”. To speculate what it’ll take to go beyond neutral, probably cultivating a positive and reciprocating relationship with the world.

I tend to feel as if I’m sitting on the sidelines watching, waiting for my abilities to be recognized, and finally called into the game. “Come on son, we need you, get in there and do what you do best!” Okay coach, I’ll try.

3 thoughts on “Where I Am

Comments are closed.